The Illusion of Progress

 I’ve always believed I grew up in a progressive family.

Of course, perception is subjective - shaped by what we’re told, what we choose to see, and what we want to believe.

My version of “progressive” was built on stories where I was always the protagonist. And maybe that’s what fed my ego just enough for me to grow up distant from ideas like “a son is the pride of the family” or “the heir to the family name.”

For a very long time, I used to think those were concepts buried somewhere in ancient India… or at worst, lingering only in the more conservative corners of society.

Because me?

My family celebrated my birth like a festival. Men distributing sweets across the hospital, women tearing up with joy, I was nothing less than a blessing in their eyes. As the firstborn, I was pampered endlessly. Loved, cherished… almost glorified. But there was one sentence I heard far too often - 

“Tu beti nahi, beta hai mera.” (You aren't a daughter; you are my son.)

And yes, it sounds like a compliment. Until one day, it doesn’t.

Why couldn’t I just be a 'beti'… and still make you that proud?

If that sounds dramatic, consider something smaller. Something quieter.

For as long as I can remember, a beautifully framed photograph of my grandfather hung in our living room. After he passed away, it found a more sacred place in our temple. A symbol of love, respect, devotion by my parents, I'd say. But today, I watched my mother struggle to find even a single picture of her father.

Now I'm not talking about equality or competition, but a question does arise..
If one man could be worshipped, why was it so hard to even trace the existence of another?

And it doesn’t stop there. I’ve grown up watching this unspoken expectation, that no matter how tired we are, my mother or I would get up if something needed to be done, and truthfully, its so deep rooted that now it only seems natural and right.

But again.. Why is it difficult for me to say no to something as small as toasting a bread, but completely acceptable for my brother to not even know how to do it? Why am I the one who must think about “society” and its ever-watching eyes, while for him, he is excused for not even acknowledging it!

Why are women the sole custodians of "dignity," while for men, the shrug of a shoulder suffices: “Ladkon ka kya hai?”

So yes, I grew up in what I believed was a progressive family, but it makes me wonder will I ever truly know what the difference actually is?

Well maybe let's not talk about me or my family for a minute. I'm sure each one of you would've atleast once heard this sentence - "Budhape ki lathi hota hai beta", meaning a son is parents backbone in their old age.
Ironically, the same parents expect their daughter-in-law to be 'sarvagun sampann' (perfect in every way), so that her's are the shoulders, the responsibilities rest on. While their beloved support system is out their earning a living, his better half is burdened with shaping the home, reviving the spirits, keeping religion alive, nurturing the kids, servicing the parents, and guess what? babying him, their so-called 'support system'!

And if she works? If she has a career and heaven forbid, fails to manage the chores for a single day? The best minds will say, “Shauk ke liye karti hai” (She only works for her own whim). 

They walk away patting themselves on the back, saying, "It’s not easy being a woman; we're proud of you." Shockingly, nothing really changes.

People love to mock the idea that women are "impossible to understand." But the answer to what a woman wants is the simplest one of all.

The only problem is.. Those who know, we don't believe exist! And those who don't? They aren't looking closely enough to see the illusion for what it is.

So am I gonna answer this? I'll leave it upto you to figure out. Maybe one day, you will..
Else, 
I strongly agree to the fact that its not easy being a woman in the society that we wake up to everyday!

I too had a pet..

It was a fine afternoon on April 3rd, 2024 when I left college early. The sun shone bright above my head and the wind was a little chilly. I, along with my girlies, was looking for a rickshaw when mum called in a rather worried yet happy disposition. "VISHU!!", she said, "Vo billi thi na, she had babies, gharr mein!!", she continued. I almost didn't hear her at first as my mind and my heart weren't ready for it. Since I was little, I wasn't allowed to think of having a domestic animal, 'cause in mum's words "main unhe sambhalungi to tumhe kon sambhalega?" or "Tum ho to ghar mein, kutte-billi ki kya zarurat". So in that case, I couldn't come to terms with the fact that it was actually happening! And that too, a cat! as if my wishes were all heard at once. Just then a series of mixed emotions rushed through my heart-- 

- Will I be allowed to keep them? 

- Mum won't allow one cat, let alone 4 (Yeah! she had 3 baby kittens)

- Will I be able to see them? 

- Mum won't send them away, will she?

- Maybe she will

- Who will take care of them?

- Will they be scared of me?

- What if I just steal one of the kittens (*devil*)

- Their mother is the best for them, maybe..

These thoughts were an unlimited supply of uncertainty, assumptions, excitement and restlessness, all that I thought will fade away once I see the little doses of happiness.

On my way back home, mum tried to record a video of those mischievous hellions and send me. They were barely visible but my excitement now, had no bounds. 

Their mum kept them in a cardboard box secured by big pieces of cardboards on all sides leaving a little opening on the lid from where she peeked out and stared at anyone who dared to attempt to see her babies.

Possessive creatures? I say she's just a mother, not so different from humans in the terms of emotions, no?

So we would wait for her to go on her daily rounds, so we could shower some love on the lil ones newly born. We would keep milk for the mother, the only way of our interaction with her. 

People from family and a few friends came and saw the serene soft and mischievous little goons and admire. 

And I?

I avoided seeing them as much as I could for I knew they will leave in a week or so.. once they grow up a little.. and the thought of getting attached scared me.

Then one morning, I was still sleeping when their voices so loud-- "meow", "meow", "meow"-- woke me up! What a melodious morning alarm, wouldn't mind waking up to it everyday,  I thought to myself.

Up until the afternoon their meows increased and we decided to go and ensure if everything is fine or not. So, the 5 of us (me, my brother, my mum, and my cousin sissy and little brother) set out on a mission, walked up to the rooftop room (where their cardboard box was). I was wearing loose slippers and was in the end of the queue trying to figure out what was happening by peeking. Mum removed the upper lid-like cardboard thinking that the cat was not there. Just then, the stairs became a battlefield of constant chaos. With everyone running downstairs as if it were a tiger and not a cat. The cat, scared herself took a huge jump and fell right over me.. unable to find a surface to run her legs on, she danced (presumptuously) a little over my head, making my loose slippers lose their grip, and both of us fell through the stairs; she ran; and I?- sat there in disbelief and laughed on the fact that a cat made me fall on the stairs.. which is still funny to me somehow.

So then ignoring the aches in my body, I once again climbed upto the rooftop where the meows were still as loud and my brother was trying to help one of the baby kittens come out from below a congested place he stuck himself into. The other two making the job tougher continuously as their grown up selves refused to stay restricted in a box double their size. 

The cat growled to come back which is when we decided to back off, thinking she might have it under control.

That evening was the last we gave them milk.

The following morning we searched everywhere if they're still there. But sadly, they weren't. 

I was leaving from college early that day when mum called to inform me that the cats were not there anymore in our home. 

I felt like I was living a dream which was now, over!

So, yeah, I too had a pet, nothing bad happened, but they found a new home, I hope, still hoping to see them again, one day, maybe..!

Maybe...

 DISCLAIMER: Its a memo, not a poem.. please don't look for rhyming scheme 🫣

"I love you"
"Maybe that.."
That is the reason
Am amorous, devoted,
My joy has no bounds,
My love ascends

But all this just when
I have you by my side
The moment you're distant
My joy's in no sight
Maybe i have a lot of
You in my 'around
Maybe without you
My life goes vague
Maybe the reason I'm stuck is
Back to that,
That i love you so much
"Maybe that"

Well if I look closely,
Its not all true
When you're not around,
The world, for me, is anew
Freshness that comes with
Faces I leave behind
At times when I have you.
When Alone, those are mine.

The world is cruel, or so I've heard
Bet people are not all same
Coz take it from me who's taken a few granted
Those fews' keep me checked when I go insane.

Look, I know I have you
Holding me tight.
Whenever I'll fall
You'll pull with all might,
But I'm not sure the person who'll come back
Will be the same me, will it then be right?

Maybe the version of you I adore
Is the one that never did exist
Maybe the current is you, yourself
But what I signed up for, was sure not this!
But then again I am stuck as of now
Coz the idea to leave is a no go
For even if it was an idea I adored,
My heart still cares for that inkling of hope
The reason again is simply that
That I love you so much
'Maybe that'

I know you love me and I do too
So much that I can't live without
Just I feel stuck when my heart
And this mind of mine are on outs
I love you but is that enough?
Coz reliance on you, for me, its tough
Is the person you are really you?
Or will my future turn dark
Will I ever understand you? And you?
Will we ever?
Maybe we just will have to find out..
'Maybe that'

Every inch of you
I adore nd care
But our love perhaps
Is the problem here
I mean, Maybe! Ryt?

A Thought, Not So Random..

 It's funny how you can evince different sides of your personality depending on who you are with. 

Sometimes, though it's confusing as well for what you find difficult to figure out is that which of these people ACTUALLY define you. It's then you feel like being distant from the chaotic world; where your heart urges and searches for a soul out there who will make silences comfortable for you. 

It's when you find that one person, that you feel for the first time that nothing's worth more than the moment you're in; when you start realizing that "life is a race and only the best one will survive" is nothing but a mere notion. The truth, however, is that whoever's happy will fair better than JUST surviving.

With that one person's presence comes steadiness, with him comes security. It's that person with whom the usually "hyperactive, talkative and always busy- you" can feel at ease and go hours being quiet and just embracing the fact that your life is way better at this very moment than it ever was or will be; because the truth is that at the end of every day, your heart needs that peace from chaos, it craves stillness and safety, which that one divine soul assures you..

But isn't it a bit omnious that a person so active all around stays quiet around a certain someone? Well perhaps its your love for their aura, for their charm, for the effect they have on you when they're around, as a calm sea at night or an early morning bird therapy, everything just seems to be a little more beautiful than it usually is. That's the magic they create and not a restriction. 

While you figure out your true self in this calmness, you grow, you mature, and you start to believe that present is all that's worth being dramatic over. Sure you need to work for your future, but what fun would the future be if you stop relishing in the moments of the precious time you're in currently? 

Maybe that's just a lil concept from the theory of LOVE, we all seem to be exploring throughout our lives...

Life, Love and In Between

 Life, it seemed, always had a bucket full of surprises to drench her enthusiastic yet confused little mind in all forms of adventure, known AND unknown.

You must be wondering which aspect of her disastrously amazing life am I stressing on today.. 

Wanna guess?

Okay so.. here's your clue..

What's the first 4-letter word that comes to your mind when I say— "the sheer necessity for the survival of humanity in a living being"?

Okay! Okay! That was indeed a rather nerdy and scientific clue for probably the simplest word ever!

Yeah.. that's LOVE!! <3

So this sweet, innocent little angel was actually a devil inside. An unstable mind with a lot of excitement to explore what the world has to offer. From the very beginning, a stable commitment and uniformity was far from "her type". But isn't it obvious for a person who had weekly attraction updates and who got bored of stuff real quick?

Sounds mean though, right?

The thing about love? — You may be a typical ice maiden warrior or the biggest winsome coquette, but once that 'real' kind of love collides with your instability, all you look for is steadiness. 

All you need to do is "believe" that you will find it one day.. to "believe" their actually is a thing called 'TRUE LOVE' and no it's not just some cringey, 'gotta-stay-away-from-it' stuff to make rom-coms and romance novels go rainbows and unicorns!

SO WAS SHE A "BELIEVER"??

OH! You have no idea! Her beliefs sufficed to lengths that could make heavens fall for her. She was a tomboy personality on the outside with George ("The hopeless romantic" of Georgian Stories) being her spirit and soul!

Yet she believed in not to bide her time for that love to come to her, rather her pixie- dominant side made her popular and way distant from real affection, closer she was to momentary flings and hence, the weekly updates!!!!

Sad, how a believer didn't find her belief right?

The story doesn't end here..

One fine time, her fling seemed to last a little longer, that affection seemed to be much more realistic, the things appeared clearer, her bored-self was no longer bored and weekly crushes? Well they stopped for the first ever time! And there it was- her 'belief', with a shining bright smile! 

Guess she did find her love afterall?

Well..

The sun was brighter, 

The pain was gone

That pure lil heart now

Was ready to be owned

She strongly believed, 

Life would be at ease

That the moon- lit nights

Will now bring her peace

She was well known

That she deserved it all

Unaware of his competence 

She couldn't help but fall

For a guy who maybe,

Tried his best

Impressed she was,

But never felt blessed

For he who she thought 

She would love forever

Just left mere memories

Her heart would treasure!

.....

So our little devilish angel still had a long way to go. Her forever in thoughts was left to whenever and the burden of that heartbreak was too much to not drown in!

BUT....

(TO BE CONTINUED....)

(Ps. This series of blog is dedicated to a person very close to the writer, a special thanks to them for existing!)

RESERVATION- An approach demanding alteration

Sitting by my desk this fine day, my thoughts led to me feeling sorry for EQUALITY for its theoretical approach never reached practicality in our system.

Which system? You must be wondering..

I'm talking about our very own regime!! 

As "proud" (note that the adjective is purely relative) citizens of India, we often find people in different age groups sniveling over disparate issues. That child who couldn't get into the college of his choice because his marks didn't match the "creamy layer" cutoff; or that postgraduate who couldn't make it to the job because the vacancy ought to be occupied by the reserved category chap; this list will go on and on..

Now the must question here is-- Why so??

Answer?-- RESERVATION!!

What is reservation?-- The act of withholding a special place or position for someone is called as reservation. Reservation in India is all about reserving access to seats in government jobs, educational institutions, and even legislatures to certain sections of the population. It also is known as "Positive Discrimination" by a few. 

Its a government policy marked by the Constitution of India. It has its roots embedded deep within our legalities. In India, reservation is provided in:

1. Government Educational Institutions (like IITs, IIMs, etc)- as per Article 15-(4),(5), and (6).

2. Government Jobs (like IAS, IPS etc)- as per Article 16-(4) and (6).

3. Legislatures (Parliament, and State Legislature)- as per Article 334.

The basic aim of reservation, started by the founding father of the Indian Constitution, Dr. B.R. Ambedkar for 10 years after the adoption of Constitution, was to bring social and economic equality in our society. Indian constitution primarily defines caste-based reservation. 

So I guess this much briefing of the word reservation would be all that we need here. Coming back to our take on this.. why am I stressing on the fact that reservation KILLED equality?

Before moving to this answer, I'd like to first acknowledge the statement that goes like- "Reservation ensures "EQUITY", not "Equality"!; Okay.. well? What is the difference? Equality means everyone is treated the same exact way, regardless of needs or any other individual difference; while equity means everyone is provided with what they need to succeed. Sounds good right? It's all that we need. Then why am I opposing it?; My argument to this will follow along the text..

If we begin with equality, in laymen terms, equality is the state of being equal, specially in status, rights and opportunities. Considering reservation here, it brings an obvious gap and a definite violation to the very definition of equality, ensuring that a few might get a more privileged life than others.

Now you may argue that the very aim of reservation was upliftment of certain sections so that this very gap shuts, but for how long was it needed? We say that Dr. Ambedkar introduced it for 10 years but truth is that it wasn't stated to abolish it after that period of time, infact it was asked to be "reviewed" every 10 years; this created a ready-made made bait for the political parties to raise at the time of election, thus tempting in lower caste' votes. Over the years, the scheme penetrated deeper in the system reaching extremities. 

Now the question rises that if it ensures equity then what's the harm? But I ask, Did It? Did it ensure equity? Did it ensure upliftment? 

Time and time again, we've found instances of how riches got richer and poor got poorer. People with weak financial background, belonging to the creamy layer continue to live in poverty because of the dejection they face as a result of reservation; while those very vacant seats are filled by "not-so-deserving" riches from the reserved category. There are instances where the true abilities and talents of an individual go unnoticed because everyone tends to believe that he secured the position because he belonged to the "category". Day after day, we encounter caste groups getting together to ask for their share in reservation but to our disappointment no one ever takes a step towards curbing the process. What everyone fails to understand is that it was meant to be a temporary solution and not something everlasting. What once was supposed to be a step towards initiating upliftment became a lifelong spoon-feeding process. Yes, equity means dotting on to the needs of individuals but then this would be truly met when reservation isn't caste based.

Wait! did I just support reservation? Yes! I did. I'm not here to say that reservation should be removed. My point is that the issue on which it is based needs to be changed. It should now cater to the need of the hour, which is upliftment of the financially poor population of the nation. Caste based reservation is as old as our constitution. It is a major reason keeping back the economic growth of the nation and setting aside talents that ought to be recognized. 

Today, a vast number of high positions are occupied by lower caste candidates, thus the issue of caste-based discrimination is long lost here. The section who does face discrimination is the economically weaker section which needs to be taken care of, for only then will India be truly developing!

The human race in itself is a living and breathing proof that with time, things need to be altered to curb any anomalies or difficulties. Then why stay bound to that decades old tradition?  

Perhaps, we are the beginning towards the change..

  

Court of Love- Part 3

 https://singlavanshika.blogspot.com/2020/10/court-of-love-part-2.html

(....continued)

The helpless Mr. Mind and trapped Mr. Heart one after another presented their witness in the court and to everyone's surprise, not a single soul could pick a side, let alone the muddled lady on the chair of honor.

There was chaos all around and the scene turned blurry as if water sprinkled all over a shooting lens. 

Wiping off the moderately dry tears from her swollen eyes, the girl woke up to a bright new day. Bright, because it wasn't an uncertain usual morning. To her, today was different since the little battle of justice in her dream world made her puzzled little head adept at deciphering the biggest scepticism of her current life.

So, she went running to the guy, she believed to be the other end of her forever. As soon as her eyes discerned him, the world around faded; her voice mumbled and her legs trembled, her heartbeats raced; it was as if she saw him for the very first time all over again but she knew this was the first time which also was the end. Her face didn't show the looks of impression, rather it was intimidating. 

But anyhow, she pulled together every ounce of her strength and confronted him- "Hey! Can we talk?"

And in response she heard- "So do you finally have a verdict for US?"

To this, the girl's heart swirled. Her entire dream flooded back into her mind from her subconscious. However, her inner strength made her tough enough to say the parting words.

"Umm.. So are we really.. I mean is this the end? Are you really....?", the guy's heart sank, he was out of words, though he was wonted to this.

"I know none of us thought that this day would come.. Yeah, it's hard to accept but we're like that season which did not get a fair chance at completion because disasters came in it's ways.. Disasters, the ones which completely destroyed its existence..", the girl sighed.

"But for every such season, a new fresh year comes to serve it with the chance it always deserved..", the boy tried to reason.

"Yeah, maybe another year would come, but now that season will either be long lost or never ever come back in the same form with the same beauty; with that heartwarming essence. You were the person I wished to spend a lifetime with, but I no more long to wake up by your side every morning, to rant about my days to you, to go for evening walks with or to admire night skies together. You were the one who broke into my vulnerable sides and showed me what the outside world was like, but I never found reasons to why it all faded; you never assured and I just felt taken for granted. You once knew me inside out, you were the sole reason for my smiles, but now all I find are voids in my sleepless nights, voids of the chaos you left.. without really leaving. You were the first ever person I fell for, but I guess this fall did have a rise afterall."

"Do you think.. you'll.. I refuse to believe this.. I know somewhere in the future our paths will cross again and you'll be mine again, this.. this ain't the end.. it can't be!! to be honest, there's no one who can replace you.."

"There's no one who can replace you either. You're my first love and that place can never be outsmarted. You sure did teach me the definition of love but along the process I lost myself. I had to go against every single thing that formed me to hold on to you, to keep US strong, but maybe it was never supposed to be. And for once, I need to put myself above this world! A part of me will always love you looking at those roses, that favorite fast food place of ours, those notebooks we played stupid games as kids and every such thing which carries your essence; the spot in my heart you tenate, will never get altered. But, the truth is I've to let you go to bring myself back..", tears rushed through her eyes as she poured her heart out.

"I don't know what you're saying, I don't know what's right or wrong, I don't even know if the next thing I'm gonna do is correct but I would just say that you have my support in what you need to do, be it leaving from this bond of ours"- cried the boy.

"Can I.. Can I atleast get a hug?"- he asked sobbing.

The girl rushed into his arms for a long heartfelt tearful hug for every inch of her body craved for it.. One Last Time!

"I love you!"

"Until our stars meet again... "

And so, they parted.