The Illusion of Progress

 I’ve always believed I grew up in a progressive family.

Of course, perception is subjective - shaped by what we’re told, what we choose to see, and what we want to believe.

My perception of being “progressive” was built on countless stories I heard growing up. Stories where I was always the main character. And maybe that’s what fed my ego just enough for me to grow up distant from ideas like “a son is the pride of the family” or “the heir to the family name.”

For a very long time, I used to think those were concepts buried somewhere in ancient India… or at worst, lingering only in the more conservative corners of society.

Because me?

My family celebrated my birth like a festival. Men distributing sweets across the hospital, women tearing up with joy, I was nothing less than a blessing in their eyes. As the firstborn, I was pampered endlessly. Loved, cherished… almost glorified. But there was one sentence I heard far too often - 

“Tu beti nahi, beta hai mera.”

And yes, it sounds like a compliment. Until one day, it doesn’t.

Why couldn’t I just be a beti… and still make you that proud?

Maybe that sounds dramatic to some.

So let me show you something smaller. Something quieter.

For as long as I can remember, a beautifully framed photograph of my grandfather hung in our living room. After he passed away, it found a more sacred place - in our temple. A symbol of love, respect, devotion. But today, I watched my mother struggle to find even a single picture of her father.

If one man could be worshipped… why was it so hard to even trace the existence of another?

And it doesn’t stop there.

I’ve grown up watching this unspoken expectation, that no matter how tired we are, my mother or I would get up if something needed to be done.

Why is it difficult for me to say no to something as small as toasting bread…

but completely acceptable for my brother to not even know how to do it?

Why am I the one who must think about “society” and its ever-watching eyes…

while for him, he is excused for not even acknowledging it

Why am I the one responsible for maintaining dignity…

while for men, it’s always “ladkon ka kya hai?”

So yes, I grew up in what I believed was a progressive family.

but it makes me wonder will I ever truly know what the difference actually is?